Faith · Relationships

Whose Story Is It?

I know what the tagline says, but forget that for a second. This isn’t my story. It’s God’s.

Everything I am or do that is good or useful is due to my relationship with Him — the relationship He drew me to, not by any merit on my part. My entire identity rests in who Christ is and what he’s done for me. I have no hope, and I cannot be redeemed, except for the work that Christ did on the cross for my sake. The divorce helped me realize this.

This highlights a strange paradox that lies at the heart of this story.

The process itself — most of the marriage, really — was gut-wrenching. Though I both hurt and was hurt, and though God is loving and desires my ultimate happiness, His will is done through this tragic event that tore my family apart. How can that be? How can God’s will be done in something so devoid of goodness that it can only be characterized as evil?

Ultimately, He reaffirmed the relationship He ordained and deepened the bond I have with and the affection I have for Him by seeing me through an idol I had worshiped instead of a firm reliance on Him. I worshipped my marriage. I worshipped my ability to save it. I worshipped the admiration of others insofar as I was afraid to reveal the problems the marriage was having. And I utterly feared the loss of the marriage and daily time with my children.

God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) But He knows, and now so do I, that my happiness isn’t fulfilled in marriage. Or any earthly thing. In hindsight, I can see clearly now how through anxiety and idolatry, He was patient with me. He didn’t strike me down right then and there, which is exactly what I deserved apart from the blood of Christ. He was pursuing my heart.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28 (ESV)

And in the good that comes from something so heinous, God is glorified. Which his why it is His story. I am privileged and grateful to have front row seats.

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