A lot has happened since my last post.
Here’s the short version:
I met a girl. We fell in love.
A few months later, I introduced her to my daughter and (step)son. The ex got upset. We spent the next two years dealing with the fallout from that.
After getting remarried, circumstances dictated I seek redress from the courts regarding custody of our daughter. After a lengthy and expensive process, a social study, a psychological evaluation and many nights alternating between fear, doubt, prayer and repentance as I asked the Lord to probe my heart and grant me trust in His will, whatever the outcome, my ex and I were able to come to an agreement in mediation before we went to trial.
As a consequence, our daughter now splits her time between her mom and me, 50/50.
There is no way you will hear me saying, “This is the ideal situation.” My time with my daughter increased, and for that I am grateful. But even if I got everything I thought was necessary in the battle, even if I got 100% of the time with my daughter, there is a brokenness that is not going to be mended by human beings.
That’s not to say that the relationship between all parties involved is not redeemable, but you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, and you can’t unscramble the egg.
If it sounds like I am being coy about the details, I am. Whatever differences I have with my daughter’s mom, she is still her mom, and I will encourage her to love and honor her for the rest of her life. If there’s a possibility that she would ever read this one day, I don’t want her reading anything that would drive a wedge in their relationship.
It reminds me of an incident after I had been remarried for a few months, my daughter asked why I didn’t love her mommy anymore.
“I do love her, sweetie,” I told her. “Just not in a way that would make me a good husband for her.” I then did my best to reassure her that my wife and I were committed to God, each other, that we all (her mom included) love her very much and want wonderful things for her.
Things are slowly healing in many ways, but there is still more needed.